That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I didn't notice because vodka
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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