are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
