I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
