I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
