batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
