He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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