she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it glows. i had to have it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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