I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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