i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
