I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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