I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
