its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
please don't ironically join a cult
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