I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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