no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
