Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
