I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
