you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
