I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
