what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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