He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
