i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
