is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
