You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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