I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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