Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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