I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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