This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
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He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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