he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's shark week go big or go home
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