I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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