dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
