You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
