so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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