I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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