are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
