In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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