listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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