If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
