John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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