Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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