I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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