I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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