I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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