On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just tell him i said nine months
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
