Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I enjoy the company of your penis
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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