I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
