I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
