Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize