Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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