Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
