In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
