I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
