i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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