Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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