Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
