i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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