I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
