rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
