but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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