I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
