So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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