I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
